The secret to happiness-Teja Lele Desai

Mumbai Mirror | Apr 19, 2014, 12.40 PM IST

The secret to khushi

It's not destiny that decides you'll be a sour face. Happy people work towards being that. Here's how to do it

If you're happy and you know it...goes an old children's ditty. But are you? The pursuit of happiness isn't easy — materialistic goodies do not guarantee a good life; close relationships, work satisfaction and working towards greater good do.

Studies have shown that the tendency to be happy is an inherited trait. Not everyone has a sunny disposition, but experts say we can all learn to bring more joy into our lives.

Sophie Keller, author of the How Happy series, says the secret to happiness is knowing you are already happy. "We're human 'beings', not human 'doings' or 'havings', so happiness needs to be a 'being state," she says.

Here's a simple break-up offered by writer Sonja Lyubomirsky in The How of Happiness: 50 per cent of our happiness levels are genetically determined, 10 per cent are affected by circumstances while the remaining 40 per cent is subject to self-control.

So how do you get happy? Here's a don't-do list to set you on the path to happiness.

Don't look outwards: Seeking external sources of happiness can sabotage your peace. San Francisco-based sustainable happiness expert Dr Aymee Coget suggests, "Focus on controlling your emotional state by choosing happiness and adopting positive psychology principles, build your resilience, follow your heart and meditate into the greatest states of bliss."

Don't hold a grudge: American writer Rita Mae Brown said it right when she wrote, "One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory." Forgiveness doesn't come easy, but is key; anger, antagonism and resentment are detrimental to your self. Dr Vandana Tara, a Delhi-based clinical psychologist, says, "In all probability, the person concerned will go on with life while you nurture ill-will. This bitterness could leave you physically and mentally ill."

Don't mistreat yourself: Happy people know the importance of looking after themselves — they eat healthy, exercise regularly and get enough sleep. Exercise keeps you fit, lets you relax, boosts brain power and improves your body image. Sound sleep lets you focus and increases productivity. Sleep-deprived people fail to recall pleasant memories, but are good at recalling glum moments.

Don't neglect family and pals: Studies have consistently proven that spending time with close ones impacts our happiness quotient. Harvard happiness expert and author of Stumbling on Happiness, Daniel Gilbert sums up: "We are happy when we have family, we are happy when we have friends and almost all the other things we think make us happy are actually just ways of getting more family and friends." Also, make time only for those who matter; superficial relationships sap mirth.

Don't compare: Keeping up with the Joneses doesn't help the happiness cause. Constant comparisons with people who are smarter, more attractive or successful leads to resentment. "Comparing is a battle, a fight. If you were to look back on your life, you don't want to think you've wasted your time on it," Keller says. Tara says the way out is to compete with yourself. "Easier said than done, but every individual is unique. Another person's weakness might be your asset."

Don't be self-centred: Doing good makes us feel good. Research indicates that helping others ups our sense of self-esteem, setting us on the path to real and rewarding happiness. University of Pennsylvania professor Martin Seligman, in Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being, says, scientists "have found that doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in wellbeing of any exercise we have tested". When the recipient of your gesture expresses joy, it acts as a reward, says Dr Samir Parikh, director of the department of mental health and behavioural sciences at Fortis Healthcare. Tutoring your house help's kids or volunteering at a care centre yields the same result: A happy you.

Don't fail to live in the moment: "It is our nature to dwell on past events, especially negatives. We need six positives for our brain to overcome what happened in the past. Training our mind to live in the moment — a sink-or-swim skill — is the way to happiness," Coget says. Learn from past mistakes, but live in the present.

Don't be ungrateful: Being grateful increases satisfaction. Think of three good things that happened to you in a day or keep a journal of what you are grateful for.
The Journal of Happiness study revealed that writing letters of gratitude increased happiness and life satisfaction while decreasing depressive symptoms. "We all don't have things that we want, so it's easy to be negative. Soon, this emotion seeps into our subconscious and takes over our minds," Keller says.

Don't be afraid: Fears of what may or may not happen will persist, but happy people take the first step towards turning their dreams into reality. "Whatever you've dreamed of, get started. Don't wait for that one fateful day when everything will fall into place," Desai says.  

Czech hotel with secret bunker

Behind the Iron Curtain: Czech hotel where Cold War spies eavesdropped on guests from secret bunker under the building

• Most rooms in the Jalta Hotel were bugged with hi-tech listening devices
• Messages relayed to secret police hidden in bunker 60ft under building
• None of the hotel staff were allowed down there or even to talk about it
• Bunker also designed to safeguard 120 top officials in the event of a war
• Has opened as a museum after it was declassified and handed to the hotel

By Simon Tomlinson
PUBLISHED: 15:47 GMT, 2 December 2013 | UPDATED: 18:07 GMT, 2 December 2013

The secrets of a grand old hotel in Prague where police once spied on foreign diplomats from a bunker under the building have been revealed long after the iron curtain came down.
Prague's Jalta Hotel was a cold war hotbed of snooping and intrigue, according to a new tourist attraction in the Czech Republic capital.
A bunker that served as the spying centre on foreign diplomats and businessmen staying at the Jalta has opened up allowing tourists a fascinating glimpse into a dark past.

The walls have ears: One of the rooms inside a Cold War bunker in Prague where secret police would eavesdrop on foreign diplomats and businessmen staying at the hotel above

Glimpses into a dark past: The bunker has now been opened up as a tourist attraction 15 years after it was declassified by the Czech Republic Ministry of Defence

Prague's Jalta Hotel (above) was hotbed of snooping and intrigue, according to a new tourist attraction

Many rooms in the hotel were bugged by sophisticated devices which replayed every word spoken to eavesdroppers of the secret police hidden in the bunker 60 feet below the hotel on Wenceslas Square.
None of the hotel staff were allowed to go into or even talk about it.

When Communism ended in 1989, the bunker remained in the possession of the Ministry of Defence until 1998, when they finally declassified its existence and turned it over to the hotel.
The bunker was also designed to act as a place of safety for 120 top officials and 30 support staff including doctors in the event of a war.

Preparing for the worst: The bunker was also designed to act as a place of safety for 120 top officials and 30 support staff including doctors in the event of a war

Revamp: Three rooms of the bunker have been refurbished and equipped as they were during the Cold War

It has now opened a museum of communist-era history that the public can visit on guided tours.
'It's a nice curiosity, a five-star boutique hotel with a bunker,' said Sandra Zouzalova, the hotel's PR manager.
'It was the VIP hotel during the communist era... most foreigners were put here.
'All of the guests would've been eavesdropped on and 24/7 there was someone listening to every part of the hotel and restaurants.
'We had a manager of the hotel here in the 1980s. He said in that time, nobody [from the hotel] was allowed to go downstairs, but people... from outside were going downstairs and he didn't know what they were doing.'
The bunker is protected by thick concrete walls and was capable of acting as a military HQ in the event of a war.

Multi-purpose: The bunker is protected by thick concrete walls and was capable of acting as a military HQ

Historic: The hotel, and its bunker, was built between 1954 and 1958 on an old World War Two bomb site

It even had its own power and water supply to sustain those who would have been based there.
Three rooms of the bunker have been refurbished and equipped as they were during the Cold War.
Included among the exhibits is the switchboard that enabled state security agents to listen in on guests.
A board behind the listening post shows that rooms, all of which were connected by cables to the listening station, were ranked according to how closely they were scrutinised.
Those coded red were listened to most closely, with activity in yellow and green rooms monitored less frequently.
The hotel, and its bunker, was built between 1954 and 1958 on an old World War Two bomb site.
To reach the bunker, visitors have to take an elevator to the hotel basement before descending further on concrete steps.
They pass through a room equipped with a shower that could have served to decontaminate visitors, before entering the bunker itself.
The hotel is working on getting the filtration system of the bunker, designed to keep out poison gas, working again and to add more cold war era relics to the displays.
Tours of the bunker last 30 minutes and are limited to a maximum of seven people. Places must be booked in advance.