Top 10 don’ts while on a vacation overseas.

Recently, the Chinese government came out with a booklet advising its citizens how to behave (or rather, how not to behave) while on a vacation overseas.

Here’s a look at the top 10 don’ts in the booklet:

1.Stop picking your teeth with your nails. (Ask for a toothpick. If that’s not available, go to the washroom and gargle. And yes, use your nails if you want to take out irascible food particles. Just don’t do it in front of all the other diners in the restaurant. No, it doesn’t make you popular.)

2. Don’t pick your nose in public. (What remains unsaid is avoid mining your nose in public and leaving sticky deposits under the table in restaurants or on the airline seat next to you. Some leave it as memorabilia inside books and magazines in public areas. Not exactly the best way to win friends and influence people.)

3. Don’t leave your footprints on seats of public toilets. (This is extremely popular. Either there are dirty footprints or the toilet seats are wet with you know what. In most parts of the world people avoid leaving telltale signs of what they were up to. We like to leave our footprints, no, not on the sands of time but on wet toilet seats.)

4. Avoid defacing monuments. (Not everyone in the world is interested in knowing who you are lusting after. As for dirty ditties, they are better emailed to your pals. History will only remember you as a vandal if you insist on telling the story of your life on monuments—or on the walls of public toilets.)

5. Don’t make loud slurping noises while eating. (We believe this is a sure sign of appreciation of the food served but others find it disgusting. Particularly if you also have the habit of emitting noises from other bodily orifices as well, while you eat. No, the chef does not see it as approval of his handiwork. Nor do others sitting in neighbouring tables.)

6. Don’t pee in swimming pools. Nor in public places, in full view of other people. (There are enough toilets and washrooms in most countries and you really don’t need to sneak a pee just because you think no one’s watching. People there think you are not properly toilet trained which is not exactly a good reflection on your upbringing.)

7. Trim your nose hair, and the hair on your ears. (Borrow a pair of scissors or a razor. Either will do the job adequately. And please don’t say if Laloo can keep his antenna up why can’t I? It’s plain etiquette, not showing people the hair you grow in places that no one is really interested in.)

8. Don’t steal life jackets from planes. (This must be the dumbest thing to do. Yet I know many people who collect stolen life jackets as trophies. It just shows you up for what you are: a compulsive thief, who steals for the heck of it. If you must steal, go rob a bank instead. Show us how cool you are.)

9. Don’t scratch your bits and pieces in public. (It’s popular out here, I know, trying to seek out the most secret nooks and crannies of your body and scratching them vigorously. But for most people elsewhere, it’s a rather unseemly sight best avoided. Particularly when you put your hand inside your trousers and scratch away in full view of others at the bus stop.)

10. Don’t occupy public toilets forever. (We tend to overstay our welcome in public toilets when we are overseas. It’s not exactly popular behaviour and others strongly resent it. Public toilets by definition belong to the public and it would be rather nice to share it with others who may also need it.)